The Keys to Solving Problems with People

The Real Problem: A Closed Mind

I had written a previous related post on this topic but it was truly horrible. I apologize for that.  Hey, this blog is meant to be a learning experience and sometimes the journey’s a little messy.

This article isn’t about anyone in particular. It’s about a lot of people who don’t get their points across, deal in silence, and send the wrong message. As well, they believe in mind reading and telepathy. My thought here is that by thinking about the communication process we can solve the hundreds of problems we might be having at work or at home.

Everyone Believes They’re Open Minded

They’re not. They don’t have that much courage. So they won’t question it or their communication skills.  This about communication, and at the end of this article, we’re left with the matter of courage and being honest with yourself. You’re invited to read this whole post and find out how it gets to that.

This isn’t snackable content, it’s premium stuff. Don’t you prefer wine and caviar to beer and bratwurst?

The topic was solving problems with people.  And logic leads us to the conclusion that people problems are an issue of communication (facts and real priorities), and communication stems from courage and an open mind. To solve problems then, you need to pry open people’s minds and get them to look at things differently. Hopefully, this article will do that.

If people don’t communicate, it’s because they only care about what they want. Their mind is closed. They have no confidence that a resolution will work for them or that they possess the power to create a solution. So, these people need some more brains and a little more heart. That’s doable.

Let’s face it we’re all guilty of this. When’s the last time you wouldn’t talk to someone, or couldn’t find a way to communicate? How much pain did it cause them? Are poor communicators sadistic?

Only My Values and Circumstances are Relevant

 

Certainly people have different sets of values and this can result in conflicts and ill feelings. One person breaks another person’s rules and off we go with the nastiness. And each side believes they are right and will have a team of gods, judicial systems, and supporters to back them up.

So, I’m not talking to you because I’m right and you refuse to let me be right. My truth is the only truth. I want what I want. Obey me.”

You can see how useless that reasoning is, yet that’s exactly what people believe.  If you think that your views are the only right ones, you’re not being honest with yourself. Other’s perspectives can hold a grain of truth and actually help you modify your approach so that you’re more successful. That is, if they’re willing to share their insight (not their opinion) with you.

When you don’t communicate well, you lose opportunities and fail to achieve the best you can.  Do you get it? You Lose.

There’s Too Much to Lose When you Don’t Talk

Talking is just a line of reasoning that leads to the truth, or an understanding at least. In order to begin talking again, you have to give up the notion that you are absolutely 100% right and justified in your attitude. You’re not necessarily wrong — you might be only missing some vital facts that will help you make good decisions and come up with better results.

Even if two people come to a standoff in a work or personal relationship, and think that it’s dead, it might not be. It’s actually the start of something fresh and new. If you’re willing to start at that new point, then everything’s fine. You really can reinvent the relationship on a new tangent. It’s that same thing with an argument.

So if you couldn’t communicate, and you were speaking to a psychologist, what would they say to you?  They wouldn’t say anything. They’d ask you questions to get you to find your own solutions. They don’t have any answers. The answers are only in your head and you have to pull them out. You can’t do that unless your communication channels and mind are open.

Captain, We’ve Come to A Full Stop

So you’ve stopped communicating.  Very common. Or, maybe you’ve got a serious case of verbal diarrhea. That might actually be worse. You’re not really communicating. Same old, same old, I’m right you’re wrong. I’m good, you’re bad. Whatever.

The stubborn, arrogant, and self-righteous person is like a child.  The reason they’re not communicating is because they believe they won’t get what they want, whatever that is.  It’s a temper tantrum. At this point, we have to retrain our thinking to believe we will get what we want. But in a fairer way right?

This is the radical part: you’re going to be open minded, yet in the end you’ll achieve a new solution or situation you’ll be okay with. It may not be perfect, but you’ll have the courage of knowing that overall, things will be great.

From an article in Entrepreneur.com, the author made some great suggestions on how to solve these interpersonal problems and deal with toxic emotions like anger and resentment that interfere with communication and problem solving. Numbers 1 and 5 below seem to be the key problem solvers in my opinion. What do you think?

This works for either personal or work relationship problems.

  1. Always have a goal in mind
  2. Don’t make decisions when you’re emotional
  3. Take a time out when you’re too angry (don’t blog when you’re angry either)
  4. Think about the consequences before you act
  5. Communicate calmly and freely

These tips align pretty well with material on my previous article on achieving equanimity, which is about keeping your emotional balance under trying circumstances.

Have a Specific Goal for the other Person

The first tip is very interesting — always have a goal in mind.

So when a tough unsolvable problem occurs with someone, consider what your core goal is with that person, rather than the issue at hand.

This isn’t about using that person and pushing them around. It’s simply saying that other people have a purpose in relation to you. Have the courage to find what that purpose is, rather than trying to make them into something they can’t be.

Who and what is this person to you? Are they a xlover, friend, good friend, acquaintance, coworker, boss, sibling, mailman, auto mechanic, travel partner, investor, sports team mate, lunch room buddy, store clerk, neighbour, or parent? Go deeper and qualify them even further so you know where they should be on your hierarchy (that helps) and what the essence of your relationship is.

It does take courage to be honest with yourself, be insightful, and share that insight without opinions that come out of a closed mind.  Get over your own fear, vanity, prejudice, and bad attitude. Just give other people the facts and the encouragement they need to accept your wisdom and you should end up with great communication.

You’ll both be better for it.

Costa Rica or San Diego?

Which would you Choose?

I’m sure Costa Rica’s amazing. I know San Diego is, but then I’ve been there done that. So maybe Costa Rica makes more sense. Something completely new and unfamiliar helps to clear the brain circuits as long as it isn’t boring. Flights are about $300 cheaper than San Diego too.

I’m saving up for a trip to one of these places this fall or maybe in the spring. Right now, I don’t have anyone to travel with but I’m looking for someone just right.  Travel is exciting and you don’t get opportunities like this much. Have to make the most of them when they come along.

Source: bing.com via Irina on Pinterest

 

 

northcoastvillage

sandiegodowntown2

San Diego has a lot of beaches and there’s lots to do there. It’s hard to beat, but Costa Rica must be great for its natural, tropical setting. It’s the in-place to go. I’ve got a tennis friend who rents a bungalow in Costa Rica for $30 a day. It’s in the southern part down near Panama actually, and he goes nearly every year with his wife.

Tonight on House Hunters International, a couple from Ohio were deciding to move to Tamarindo, Costa Rica. And the next show, a family from Toronto was moving to the same place. That’s on the Pacific side. Looks very laid back but it must be a little pricey. Sorry about the poor clarity from my iPhone, but here’s some pics from the shows:

tamarindo

tamarindo2

Other Alternatives?

 

 

My next door neighbour, Brian just went to Hawaii with his new wife and they had quite a time there. Hawaii is intriguing but very expensive so that’s out for this year.

The Virgin Islands is another excellent choice too. My old client moved there with his wife and never came back. Just didn’t like Boston.

 

Envisioning your Future with Vision Boards

What are Your Dreams?

Are you floating through your life with no clear direction or purpose? I think we’re all doing that because we don’t take creating a dream life very seriously. No one teaches it. Sometimes our daily lives don’t really point in that direction, so we don’t follow our dream path. We just go with the flow and look cool.

 

Well, to answer that issue, some people are using what are called Vision Boards. It’s a collage of images that should inspire us to follow the right path to achieve the best life possible. The images are about being more than we can be, enjoying life, socializing with friends and family, meeting new people, succeeding, learning, trying new things, growing, producing, and doing things for others.

The side benefit of looking forward with hope is that it suddenly makes our current life a more enjoyable and perhaps relevant. After all, now is the starting of everything that will evolve.

Can you feel confident when your future is a gray, cloudy haze where nothing appears in focus, or is full of vague hopes and dreams that really have no solid foundation? Obviously not, so why is that the scenario for so many of us?

Inspiring Images — Give Direction and Motion

The success of Pinterest.com tells us a lot about how we prefer to experience things and what makes the biggest emotional impact on us — visually.  Imagery has a huge effect on how we think and behave everyday.  Poor imagery leads to a dull life, while exciting imagery inspires us and catapults us to a new level of enjoyment and success.

Source: acidcow.com via Ragde on Pinterest

 

 

It’s easier to waste your time watching TV or shopping, instead of something where you have to take a chance. Once you have driving images, propelling you, you end up shooting for and reaching your goals.

Pinterest is a site where users pin their favourite pictures onto a board; ones that inspire them and they want to share with the world.  People go there just to look at the pictures.  I like Pinterest. It’s fun, imaginative and I use the pictures in blog posts for this personal site and at work.

In reality, the pics people pin are actually a view of their own future. They’re expressing what they really desire as goals and as experiences in the near future or far future.

So what if you knew that images, symbols and words that you use everyday or impinge on your consciousness could be chosen deliberately and used as a guide to help create your ideal future? Well, if you’re an INTJ like me, you’d want to figure out some of system to do it (the irony is that I hate systems). That’s because INTJ’s are really just lazy and want the easy way.

You could also choose to take the full Tony Robbins Self Empowerment Courses. If you do your vision board, you might not need Tony Robbins help at all. I’d say these vision boards are the fast track and get you laser-focused with minimal effort. Don’t you prefer that?

Vision Boards have been around a while. Users cut pictures out of magazines and paste them on a big poster sized page. Then they hang that on the wall to act as a source of direction and purpose.  A lot of people believe in them and they’re often used in self-development courses.

 

If you’re just going into college, in it, or just graduating, you need direction and to keep building your vision. Even when you’re working at your first great job, you still need that motivating dream image to power your growth and progress.

If you’re married with kids, you may be worried about the long haul and the stressful years ahead paying for everything. If you a beautiful image of your future, that might ease that stress and help you be a better parent. Your kids will copy your outlook and spirit.

If you’re older, and you’ve lost your zest for life, questioning your choices and decisions, and wondering what’s left, you can get it all back by revisioning your future. The first thing you need to do is reject other’s attitudes, prejudices and comments about what you can and can’t do. Make a complete commitment to this project.

It might be wise to keep this to yourself. But make it a priority.

Power it up — Bring All Your Senses into Play

Imagery is powerful, especially the images that best represent what you want out of life.  I’m doing my own vision board right now, and I’m brainstorming other things that will supercharge my emotional commitment to them.

For instance, I’ll look at my vision board and listen to my favorite moving music (e.g., Jaytech: Engage) at the same time. I’m bringing in one additional sense – hearing. Maybe I’ll eat my favorite food – taste, (I’m an omnivore, I’ll eat everything) or drink my favorite coffee – taste and smell (Timothy’s Sugar Bush Maple) at the same time I work on my vision board. 2 more senses brought into play.

Building motivation is important.

Why the senses? Because there’s no doubting the motivational power of our senses. They’re hardwired right into our brain. So my vision board isn’t just visuals — it’s going to be further supported and thus I’m far more likely to achieve what I’m after.  Engage more of yourself in the process.

Action — Engage

Yes, you have to put things in motion.  And I’m not talking about willpower. Willpower is a bulldozer — it takes huge energy to push everything out of the way and cut a path to your dream vision. You want to make your vision so compelling it will sweep you off your feet and carry you forward effortlessly. With seemingly hypnotic power, your dream pulls you in closer and as you get nearer, your confidence begins to grow. There’s no doubt you’ve done this before just like I have. The vision board just makes it all a little more conscious.

Some images you choose should be easy to achieve, so you have some small successes to reward and reinforce what is happening to you. Your successes do get translated to emotion — a physical reward because you’re doing the right thing.

It seems to me, it’s wise to choose one of your compelling images and do what you can to take big strides. On the other ones, maybe smaller strides, depending on how far they are into the future.

Choosing Your Driving Imagery

Create a digital vision board — just a Word document and set the page size to as big as you like. Make it landscape — wide, expansive, elegantly spacious so you have plenty of room to go anywhere you want.

Before you start you need to wind down a bit. Relax, lower your blood pressure, calm your mind, go for a walk in the woods, get access to alpha brainwaves.

Don’t worry about being silly, because at this point most of what you’re dreaming about is unrealistic. But it will real soon enough.  If you’re a woman who dreams of a Brad Pitt to spend your life with, that’s not silly. It worked out for Angelina. In reality, you’ll have to settle for some working stiff like me 🙂  Sometimes 2nd place is better.

A lot of people dream of Costa Rica.  Their dream vacation in Costa Rica will get closer when they start thinking of more creative ways to get there. Their first image might be a first class hotel on the most popular beach. That’s big money. But what if there were other accommodations in a different area that travellers could afford — a cheap bungalow, and they can take side trips to the touristy things.  Catch your own fish and eat coconuts all day long.

It wasn’t the original vision but in many ways it’s probably better. They’ll get to meet more Costa Ricans and experience life through their eyes.  Could be a game changer for anyone.

 

The point is, that your original imagery will be replaced by new ones that you actually want more.

I’ll start mine off with pics of Costa Rica, San Diego, Banff, Vancouver, and the Swiss Alps.

3 years from now, the places I want to go will be different. By experiencing deeply my wish for my current favorites, I’ll find my true wishes. It’s a portal window and I’ll be changed on the other side. Hard to visualize now, but I’ve done it before.  It works.

I’ve got my images also flowcharted too to provide direction and highlight the connection between images.

Speaking of Pinterest, it’s a great place to start collecting images for your digital vision board.

Keep it organized and group different topical themes if possible. Some people fill their vision boards with too much and it’s unorganized. That’ll be confusing.  Focus on things that matter the most and discard what doesn’t work for you. Don’t be afraid to explore. Go offroad because that’s where the fun is.

Check back in a few weeks and I’ll update with more techniques!

Blogging – Inspire Someone

It’s the social media era, yet not too many people blog (2 out of 10?).  But who’s got time right? People should make time to communicate their experience and values. Communication is everything today. If you can’t communicate, you don’t exist.

“Blogs? Isn’t that just some weird diary? Isn’t there a better way to spend your time?” If you write for a living, a blog is an absolute must. Writers need to hone their craft and show their degree of comprehension, expressiveness, and persuasiveness. We become creative through practice.

For anyone though, a blog is a vehicle of learning and a voice of inspiration. Someone cares about what you say and think and feel. They matter. They might be some special to you or your next employer. You get to show off  your joie d’vive. That’s what they’re looking for.

Your blog will lead you to the love of your life. You could even tweet about it:)

Sure you get to express yourself, but a blog is an input — a source of insight, especially over time.  It does help organize some of your thoughts. It also helps you celebrate your experience in the present, to be happier with your current lot in life.

People get to see a slice of you which is very helpful in quality relationships, although it might damage superficial relationships, but what do they do for you anyway?

Everyone has something to say. You have to think much more highly of yourself. There isn’t one person alive that doesn’t have something inspirational to share with others.

Is it too personal? Perhaps, but do you want to live your life in the shadows? How happy is that? Get over yourself anyway. This is about other people and encouraging them to live the best life possible. They’ll read it, experience it, and they’ll get the message. Yours is a good message.

Although my blog appears to be about me, it isn’t. It’s about the individul pursuit of happiness and living one’s precious time with people who matter.

Be an Inspiration

You get to introduce other people to exciting things they would never have known about. Their life is richer because you took the time to share with them.

Consider older people who are already giving up and are winding down their lives. Suddenly, they see that life is worth living and it’s never over till its over. Be an inspiration to someone.

I like to learn from everything. That’s a bit annoying I guess, but I never stand still. There’s a great life waiting if you decide to build it. Your blog shows you’ve got momentum and purpose in your life. You won’t just get that from your spouse, job, or paying down a mortgage. You have to build and weave your incredible story yourself.

One of the most fun parts of blogging is is writing about your travels (you’ll be exploring life too). It makes those trips so much more meaningful, instead of having those memories dissipate into a foggy, vague past where you second guess on whether you could have spent your time and money more wisely.

Set up a free blog at wordpress.com or blogger.com and start celebrating a better life.

Achieving Equanimity

What do you do when you lose your emotional balance? Listen to some music. Take time off? Take a vacation. Get away from the routine — the grind.  Your friends tell you, you need to get away from it all. It’s  so common isn’t it? You need that space and time and the distance to get your sanity back.

Some might say you need a big change, or you need to relax, or chillout. Not so helpful eh? A vacation can help in many ways, from breaking the chain of repetition to just being lucky enough to stumble into state of relaxation that lets equilibrium happen naturally.

Today’s topic is something called equanimity – the state of psychological balance.

From Shinzen.org: Equanimity is a fundamental skill for self-exploration and emotional intelligence.  Equanimity comes from the Latin word aequus meaning balanced, animus meaning spirit or internal state.

A person loses internal balance if they fall into one or the other of the following contrasting reactions:

>  Suppression — A state of thought/feeling arises and we attempt to cope with it by stuffing it down, denying it, tightening around it.

>  Over-Identification — A state of thought/feeling arises and we fixate it, hold onto it inappropriately, not letting it arise, spread and pass with its natural rhythm.

We should ask why we’re holding onto it, suppressing it and not letting it pass.  Do we let it and other positive feelings dissipate and then move on, lest we lose our balance?

Managing Equanimity

One of the most valuable skills you can possess is the ability to manage your state of equanimity — to balance your emotions even as powerful desires/ambitions collide and generate friction and negativity from one’s environment.

There is no mention of common sense in this material. Shinzen.org presents this as a way of neutralizing negative thoughts and physical tension that robs us of our own joy and energy.

Every day we vacillate between pleasure and pain, disappointment and elation, or hope and fear. Just the normal cycles of everyday experience, yet in an artificial world, you might get a double dose of the bad stuff. That’s why people retreat to nature — to get away from the artificial problems and frustration.

Source: thoughtjoy.com via Lisa on Pinterest

I know, you’re pissed and vengence will make you feel better. Ahh, you better drop it.

Things that are out of your control can create unbalance yet we can refuse to hold onto concepts, values, and behaviours we don’t really want to be part of. We have that choice.  Thus we have some control of how they impact us psychologically and especially, emotionally.

Whats the relationship to positivity? Equanimity doesn’t try to be positive or negative — it’s in between. Is positivity a foolish concept then? It’s a counter balance to negativity. But maybe positivity just sets itself up for the expected fall.

A State of Perfection

Left to our own circumstances and devices, we are perfect and always in balance. It’s our society of others with their own ambitions that creates our challenges. The opposition and negative energy they give puts us off balance.

Love and hate are the two opposing forces at work, yet love rarely throws us off balance, at least not immediately. But hate, like a corrosive has to be neutralized and not internalized for long. Besides understanding others negativity, we need to let that negative energy pass through us or off of us, like water off a duck’s back. It’s not really other’s hate that is the issue, it’s our sympathy for them and their hatred. We must let go of our sympathy for their attitudes and take a more balanced view of events.

The Balancing Act

Equanimity or psychological balance puts us back in control by giving us psychological tactics to allow negative energy to pass through us.

I was fascinated by Bill Dan’s rock balancing techniques when I spoke to him in Sausalito, California about 6 years ago.  Now I understand

why. He was balancing something that is seemingly impossible — a bunch of odd shaped rocks. He had them stacked up 6 feet high.

I guess therefore, that even the most unbalanced person caught in the worst circumstance could conceivably achieve equanimity.  But wow, that’s hard work! Isn’t it easier just to manipulate and control your environment? How much negative energy can we take in and let pass through us? You’ll feel like a seive!

Well, the equanimity scholars suggest that by letting the negative energy pass through, it is less likely to keep coming. I guess our detractors give up when they realize it’s not working, and they themselves have become sick and unbalanced. The law of Karma! What goes around comes around.

How To Achieve Equanimity

Not that one short blog post can help you master equanimity, but read what Shinzen.org says to do:

Developing equanimity involves the following aspects:

   Intentionally creating equanimity in your body

   Intentionally creating equanimity in your mind

   Noticing when you spontaneously drop into states of equanimity

Intentionally Creating Equanimity in Your Body

This is essentially equivalent to attempting to maintain a continuous relaxed state over your whole body as sensations (pleasant, unpleasant, strong, subtle, physical, emotional) wash through.

So relax those extra tight muscles and frown lines. Forget behaving badly and trying to get vengeance on others and instead pay attention to your physical sensations.

Intentionally Creating Equanimity in Your Mind

This means attempting to let go of negative judgments about what you are experiencing and replacing them with an attitude of loving acceptance and gentle matter-of-factness.

In all the years I studied psychology, I don’t recall anyone discussing equanimity. I think they should have. Good luck with your own balancing act. Let everyone know what your greatest challenges are with yourself and the people who cause you misery.

Never Criticize your Team Mates

There’s nothing more destructive in sports than not supporting your team mates. No matter how crappy they’re playing you should always avoid criticism and you’re supposed to support them strongly. Criticism does nothing good.

Recently, two of our tennis club members had an argument because one critized the other about missing a strategic shot (which he said was just a fact). Then there was the ensuing blow out, and while I may take sides in this one, my better judgement says to stay out of it.

It’s just a product of the frustration the long winter has levied on us. Although one may be right in the moment, in the overall scheme of things both may be in the wrong. It’s best to treat people with respect, but sometimes your team mate might show up in a bad mood and take it out on someone.

In a Montreal Ottawa playoff hockey game recently, a player got hit hard. He got up and lambasted his team mate for giving him what’s called a suicide pass. That’s where the puck is given to you at a point where the opposition player can hit you really hard and there’s nothing you can do. Your first response is to yell at your team mate. But it’s not a good idea even then. It makes you look bad. You should talk to your team mate and tell them why they should never give you the suicide pass again.

hockeyhitMy hockey team mate gave me several such suicide passes one year (actually it happens a lot) and I got crunched. I got up, tried to get some air back in my lungs, and dusted the snow off my pants and sweater.

My response: later in the game, I gave that team mate his very own suicide pass. And as he lay on the ice, I said I was sorry 😉

Positivity – Feeling Good All the Time

Finding and Eliminating Limiting Values

It’s strange that as I was studying positive thinking the other day, that one of my coworkers passed by, talking about positivity. It really shows how people do think about these things and how we want to be positive.

Positive thinking can boost creativity and open vast new unexplored potential and opportunity in life, yet why is it we roar ahead sometimes and then come crashing down? That last great recession sure brought me crashing down hard. But I got back up nicely again.

Are you down or coasting right now? A lot of people are. Why?

If negative, limited values and attitudes are making happiness impossible, then perhaps identifying them might zap them of their power. Then you’re free to find happiness and keep it a consistent part of your daily life.

 

I suspect that whenever positive thinking doesn’t reign in your mind, there is something negative that’s being pushed on you and it ruins your normally upbeat demeanor. Such as people controlling your life telling you what you can and can’t have. Those artificial limits crush your enthusiasm. And then there’s the anti-social crowd you’re stuck with. No life’s not perfect.

 

Travelling brings that insight. When we travel, we’re free of the usual sour attitudes, negativity, and limitations that others foist upon us. We’re free of them and our mind can expand again. We come back from our vacation fresh, and hopefully aware of the changes we need to make. Because a vacation doesn’t create permanent changes.  We can change our minds first.

To get your head straightened around, you have to go to the core — your values. That’s the seat of everything.

So what are the limiting values then that keep us from our full potential?

  • Conformity
  • Tradition
  • Routine
  • Education
  • Role playing
  • Self-image – slights against self-esteem
  • Pride
  • Prejudice
  • Unrealistic goals
  • Hopelessness – feeling stuck

Some of these such as a dull relationship or marriage you can’t escape, but you can reimagine it — if it’s the right thing to do.  A limited self-image is central to negativity — breaking free of traditional, pointless mores that don’t respect your rights, social roles you got stuck in, routines that make you feel secure, and all the other things you must conform to because your world says you’d better. Why are the people with least education the most fun? Pride is a double-edged sword and prejudice says others are different when they aren’t. Bad self-image? Where’d you get that from? Others.

If I missed any, let me know in the comments below.

Some rebellion might be necessary to break free. Certainly independence of thought is a requirement, because no one else really cares whether you’re happy. It’s all about you.

After a long winter, we’re starved for fun and good times. It doesn’t always happen right away — an odd time to feel the blues but it happens. This should be a good summer so if this is you, keep at it and keep expanding your world to meet new people, and spend time with people who like you. Being with people who like you makes a tremendous difference. Give them more reasons to like you and maybe you’ll have your best summer yet.

Where Happiness Resides

I think happiness resides in certain areas of the brain, the part that creates harmony, builds, and connects, however the whole brain is involved. People who like music and like to sing are generally happier. They’re using that part of the brain that harmonizes, connects and doesn’t recognize conflict and separation. Like a child, it only understands everything as being “as one.”

There seems to be a hard-wired connection between feelings of contentment and happiness. The primitive brain assumes that if you are content with your situation and lot in life, that you can relax, and the relaxation lets the endorphins flow. Human biology, sometimes more powerful than rational thought.

Level Headedness

But, wouldn’t it be nice to feel good all the time? I know some people who have that nice frame of mind.  I know, how can you be happy all the time? These people have some screws loose right?

My friends Colin and Katherine seem to always have a positive and level headed approach to life. They keep their ambitions in check and accept their losses.  What happens to the ambitious? They either make it or they don’t?

My Aunt and Uncle are level headed and get through endless trials and tribulations, and they don’t have glamorous lives either. My high school track coach John Irving had a tremendous attitude and he influenced a lot of people. He believed in me as a pole vaulter when no one cared or would provide support.  That’s the value of a positive attitude.  These people are anchors for their family and friends. When the shitty attitude virus goes around, these people have double immunity.

There’s a few other people, whom I probably won’t know really well or enjoy their lovely disposition, but I happen to know they are wonderful. They don’t know it but their disposition has had big effect on me (not to say they aren’t crabby sometimes).

You Have to Be Available

Being available is probably the key not only to communication, it’s also the key to sharing good times together. Proximity is everything. You need to show up. Not showing up puts you in a negative frame of mind. If you’re unavailable, you’re making it impossible for others to do good things for you.

 

It’s amazing how being with someone we really like can affect our mood.  There’s lots of “be yourself”, and “you’re all you need” advice going around, but in reality, some people just make us feel good and we want to be with them. If that upsets someone else, then they need to get in on this positivity thing before their own health and happiness disappear.

I found a couple of websites you might like to visit. They’ve got some great material, insights, and positivity building techniques to share.

The first is the positivity blog written by Henrik Edberg of Sweden. He talks about building social skills, relaxed productivity, and self-esteem. He even offers courses in this stuff.

The second one is www.inspire-me.co — To Reach New Heights of Happiness, Love and Freedom. The author is Lauren who offers articles on happiness, relationships, health and more.  Start off with her article on how to stay young.

I’ve got one more I’ll share with you soon.

Unionville Tennis Club

I’m very excited to be a new member of the Unionville Tennis Club this year. The club has 9 courts, 3 of which are clay surface. I’ve played intercounty league tennis here before and it was nice to meet the current members and get to play some tennis with them. It’s a fun way to start off the season.

The club has a lot of South Asian people, an Australian, Dutch woman, and a number of older British people as well. An interesting mix and I like what I see. It was a nice way to spend 4 hours on a sunny Saturday.

UTC has two tennis pros and they ran a bunch of us through some drills. I heard from the pro about not preparing early enough for my shots, so I worked on that and had some continuous good shots.

unionville-tennis
unionville-tennis-clubhouseSee the historic village of Unionville.